Two Roads

The other day I listened to my Ma-in-law talk about how her colleagues who are teachers, come to Malaysia to teach for a couple of years before heading off to another country to do the same thing. They work at an international school and are contracted for two terms before they decide to stay on or move on. Many would also use their school holidays to visit and explore neighbouring countries. 

As I listened, I felt a little uneasy. I remember wanting to do just that. I had a dream that I would travel, teach and tell. Travel to new places, teach in unfamiliar settings and tell others all about it (in the form of a blog or maybe even a book). I often thought about what a grand adventure that would be. I found myself telling her those dreams I once had. Dreams that now, are a little unreaslitic to achieve now that I am married, and have recently become a Mum. Dreams that I guess have changed over the years of living and making the choices I made. 

It reminded me so much of a poem we read when I was in high school. The title resounded in my head as I contemplated my exact position. It is of course ‘The Road Not Taken’ by Robert Frost. In it he discusses two roads, two courses but one choice. I remember reading it as a teenager and imagining how that would feel. I had little experience then and though I could understand in my head, I couldn’t fully empathise with the author. I couldn’t feel all of it. Today, I can say that has changed. I feel just like that traveler, looking back on the path I have chosen and the one I did not choose. And the last stanza always gets me. He sighs, and I used to wonder if he was sighing in regret, or out of relief. Perhaps he wrote it this way intending for it to be either. 

Today, I look at my path and where it has led me, who I have become as a wife, mother, teacher, person. The journey hasn’t always been fair, but I wouldn’t change a thing. I look at the stops along the way, the major turns and twists, I look at the falls, I look at the highs and from my view right now, I sigh. There’s no doubt about it, it’s a big sigh of relief. And suddenly, I don’t feel uneasy anymore. All the envy I may have had for travelers who took the other path, drains into the ground and is replaced instead, by a deep sense of gratitude.

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.