Medicated Momentarily

I never thought that I would be depressed.  And when I first found out I was, I was pretty resolute not to take any meds. No way! It sounded silly to me. But after I tried everything from CBT to exercise (boxing, running, soccer) to socializing and still felt like a tonne of bricks, I gave in. It was what I needed.

For the past 7-8 months, I have been diligently taking an antidepressant pill every day. Two months ago, my doctor said that we could start lowering the dosage. I was on the lowest dose for about a month and just last week, I’ve begun the weaning process.

I used to think that only old people used this piece of technology. I was wrong. 

I have 8 pills for the rest of the year and I am nervous.

For most people, I’m guessing it’s quite straightforward. I have a dear friend who was on meds too after dealing with postpartum anxiety. She told me her weaning experience was a smooth one. But then of course, I had to do the millenial thing and google more information. I knew it would be a bad idea, but I couldn’t resist. You get it right? It’s like an itch you have to scratch. So of course, there were a few good stories, but generally more horror stories. Headaches, brain zaps, fever, chills and the dreaded, heavy depression.

Some individuals weren’t able to wean off and eventually continued with meds. I know there’s nothing wrong with that either but I’ll be honest and say that it really scares me to think that I’ll be dependant on meds to function for the rest of my life. The thought makes me feel so trapped.

At the moment, I’m taking the lowest dose every alternate day for a week. I do get headaches and feel dizzy at times but so far, I’ve been able to cope. 

I’ve also made it a point to remember to be kind to myself. There might be some low times, I won’t feel completely myself, but it’s all part of the process. Some days I’ll need to stop and have a time out. I can pass Josh to someone else, it won’t make me a terrible Mum and an extra nap or two doesn’t mean I’m completely useless. We all need help sometimes don’t we? It’s only normal. It’s humbling, but it’s healthy.

I don’t know how the rest of the weaning process will go, but I am hopeful. I’ll be updating more in the days to come. 4 pills down, 4 more to go.

Anybody else out there had to go through something similar? Any tips?